oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
