I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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