Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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