Fine. I'll sleep in my office
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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