We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
