Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize