I met the friendliest cop last night
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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