Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
