I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
