fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i think my cat just said my name.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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