Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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