yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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