So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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