I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
