great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
