You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize