Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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