the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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