My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize