just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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