The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
