I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
