the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
