So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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