dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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