I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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