roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
