wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize