so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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