u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm bleeding and have questions
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
