Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
