it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
