My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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