I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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