Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
