i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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