Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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