I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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