Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize