Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
