I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
