I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
