there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
