I want to stick my p in your. b.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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