I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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