tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
