Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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