An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
