just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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