ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
