We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
