at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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