He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
