She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
