Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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