wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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