so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize