I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
