omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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