I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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