Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
These tits shall not be calmed
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
