I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
