Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
