Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
