U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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