laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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