just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
