Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
