Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It was like giving head to a cactus.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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