Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
