He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
