at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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